“COSMO HATES OLIVER: CAT VERSUS CAT”
My name is Cosmo, and I don’t mean to brag, but I am a cat.
I used to live in New York, and it was beautiful. My roommates, Jerad Roommate and Megan Roommate, used to buy me all sorts of cool stuff, like computers to sit on and boxes to sit in and elephant hats to wear.
Then we moved to Milwaukee. Which I thought was a nice place, until I realized it’s infested with homeless nutjobs who expect you to just open up your door and let them come in and live in your house and sleep in your special spot on the radiator and get everything just handed to them without doing anything at all and hog all the attention and destroy your life and all the love that was in it.
I am referring, of course, to Oliver.
Oliver just waltzed into my apartment one day and made himself at home. Megan Roommate was all “Oh no, it’s -10 outside, we have to take care of him” and Jerad Roommate was all “Ok” and now he lives here. Bullshit!
I tried my usual intimidation techniques, but Oliver is unresponsive. Sometimes Caitlin Roommate comes over and tries to make Jerad Roommate and Megan Roommate realize that Oliver is mentally retarded, but it is to no avail. So I have decided to reach out to you, Internet Roommate, for help. I shall chronicle my daily battle to rid my home of this menace, in hopes that one day, I shall be liberated. C’est la guerre!
My feedback negative it is not. It is but you might think. Not understand you may. Yourself get over you must. For a cat even self centered you are. Consumed hate by your brain tiny is. Out chill need to you. Life ever in your done you have anything useful like? Not probably think I.
Hurt brain muscle try not to reading when this.
omg this is hilarious